We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
