I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
