it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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