Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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