she woke up with a sticky ear
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
