ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
