Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
