Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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