can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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