Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
