i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
