Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
