Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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