There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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