the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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