ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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