I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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