Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
