that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
