I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
