I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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