there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
