filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
