as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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