Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
