I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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