How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
