She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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