I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
