i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
