My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
