Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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