In the future we'll all be gay
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
