well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
