I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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