there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
