He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
