i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
