Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i out mim tonsoeep
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