I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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