Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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