So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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