sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
