So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
