Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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