sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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