Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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