420 ftw
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
