it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
