2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
