Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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