I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
