My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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