I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
